There are days when i am not burning, days when i feel infinitely far from Him. I am not one to say how i am supposed to feel, i am just convinced it should be somehow different than this. I want to walk in His presence. I want to feel these things that i see in others. I want to lay flat on a floor for hours because the revelation of His presence is that real, that powerful. I am convinced that if we ever have a moment where we enter into right understanding of who it is we worship we will be broken, we will lie motionless for hours on end with the overwhelming truth of who He is. There are these brief moments for me, these small nanoseconds of Him in me where I find myself walking down a hallway at school and breaking into a joyful laughter. There are these fleeting seconds of overwhelming who knows what to call it where i am struck for an instant and i find myself tearing up, not so much that it could be defined as crying, but enough that i wonder what it must really feel like to know Him.
I am torn. That's enough right there. That sums up perfectly this moment. I am torn. If I could explain that to you then it would all be settled.
In Matthew 11:7 Jesus says of John the Baptist, "What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken in the wind." In my mind's eye I imagine a fiery John the Baptist, steadfast, solid, with crazy eyes and hair. I don't think about Him baptizing or proclaiming, though I know he did quite a bit of both. What I see is a man who spent hours with his God, a man who was unmovable, unshakable. I don't think about ministry, it almost never crosses my mind. What I think about is will I ever know God? For real. Will I ever see what John the Baptist saw? And If I do see it. Oh how I want to look all crazy and insane. I want to be that guy. I really do.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Jesus' first words
"Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?"
I have always been a person who looks at the little things and dwells on them. And in this brief passage I have been struck by these few words of truth from a twelve year old fully man fully God (person?) While at IHOP KC I heard God speak that it was time to return to the Word with fresh eyes. Go back to basics is more closely what He said. SO I began to read Luke and stop every few verses and just sit in a place of listening to God on His word. And when I arrived at this passage I had to stop for the very first time and realize wait a minute: these are His first words. These are them. Of all things that Jesus could say. of all the infinite possibilities of word combinations to be recorded for all eternity, these are the ones that come first. And because I fully am convinced that these words in our Bible are real, are perfect, then I have to stop and do more than highlight or underline or whatever it is we do and I have to stop and in my brokenness say yes to the Father. Because here, in this moment, Jesus stands in front of probably some amazing scholarly men and He teaches them. And then His mom and dad show up, after having lost Him for a day, and mom says, "Son, why have you treated us so? Behold your father and I have been searching for you in great distress." Wow? I try to see this in my mind and when Jesus answers, in my mind, it is with such tenderness, it is with such humility. And He just tells them He has been in His Father's house.
And so who cares? but it is so important for us. It is the first thing. He MUST be with His Father. He declares it. It is not a rule He follows, it is the desire of His heart. He aches for the Father, He longs for the Father, He wants to be with the Father, talking about the Father. And here is where we are either gripped or we are hopelessly A.D.D. We either have this same longing for our Father or we don't. Jesus was consumed with the Father, He knew where He was supposed to be and He knew where He wanted to be.
In Psalm 69:9 the psalmist cries out, "Zeal for your house consumes me." Oh that we would have a glimpse of this truth. Oh that we would maybe, just maybe, catch it from the corner of our eye. Just that much would be something.
I have always been a person who looks at the little things and dwells on them. And in this brief passage I have been struck by these few words of truth from a twelve year old fully man fully God (person?) While at IHOP KC I heard God speak that it was time to return to the Word with fresh eyes. Go back to basics is more closely what He said. SO I began to read Luke and stop every few verses and just sit in a place of listening to God on His word. And when I arrived at this passage I had to stop for the very first time and realize wait a minute: these are His first words. These are them. Of all things that Jesus could say. of all the infinite possibilities of word combinations to be recorded for all eternity, these are the ones that come first. And because I fully am convinced that these words in our Bible are real, are perfect, then I have to stop and do more than highlight or underline or whatever it is we do and I have to stop and in my brokenness say yes to the Father. Because here, in this moment, Jesus stands in front of probably some amazing scholarly men and He teaches them. And then His mom and dad show up, after having lost Him for a day, and mom says, "Son, why have you treated us so? Behold your father and I have been searching for you in great distress." Wow? I try to see this in my mind and when Jesus answers, in my mind, it is with such tenderness, it is with such humility. And He just tells them He has been in His Father's house.
And so who cares? but it is so important for us. It is the first thing. He MUST be with His Father. He declares it. It is not a rule He follows, it is the desire of His heart. He aches for the Father, He longs for the Father, He wants to be with the Father, talking about the Father. And here is where we are either gripped or we are hopelessly A.D.D. We either have this same longing for our Father or we don't. Jesus was consumed with the Father, He knew where He was supposed to be and He knew where He wanted to be.
In Psalm 69:9 the psalmist cries out, "Zeal for your house consumes me." Oh that we would have a glimpse of this truth. Oh that we would maybe, just maybe, catch it from the corner of our eye. Just that much would be something.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Worthy and Holy
I have been on a journey. I am not one to say whether i have moved on this journey, truth be told i look back over 3 and 1/2 years (and don't think for a minute that that number does not astound me because it does)and it feels like it has taken a long time for God to get this point across. The truth is that He is both Holy and Worthy, the end.
In 2008 i began to sit in a place of expectation that God would give me revelation on the book of Revelation. It needed to be settled for me. And while people are comfortable with saying it is not a major point in the world of theology, for me, it is. This book is the truth of things to come. It is not a wild story or an interesting metaphor. It is the absolute truth of our Savior's return. And when I read in Luke that the people had expectation of His first coming I realize that we have lost something. I am in expectation of His second coming. The Church has lost something of this. We have lost our expectation. But this is not my point, this is not what I am on about in this hour.
Six weeks ago I sat in a chair at IHOP KC and God spoke to me that He is both Holy and Worthy. He made clear that we can only understand this in the context of knowing His ways. And I was like, "what?" Because of course He is holy and worthy, but I was also like, "why am i not broken at this truth?" Sure we claim it, we say it. We agree to it even, but then what? And that right there is what has been eating at me since that day, in that chair. And then this weekend off we went in this direction. He is holy and worthy and everyone was all yes I am down for that but I was sitting there stunned for lots of reasons. But two mainly. Reason one is that God tells me this thing six weeks ago and He is also telling other people who are trying to wrestle with it. And we are wrestling because there is something huge in this truth, something that makes you scream, "I'll never be the same again."And while you are screaming it you know others are looking at you and wondering when you will get to the good part where they can see themselves in the story. But see that is the thing right there. We are not really in the story. And that doesn't sell as well as the story where you are so important that God sent His son for you. Cuz we are people and for us it is always about us.
And reason two you ask? Well reason two is the truth of it. Reason two is that the four living creatures cry holy and they do this because He "was and is and is to come" The elders cry worthy because He "created all things." The creatures and the elders know the truth of it. He is God. and that settles it. They are forever broken because He is God. It is not about us. It is not a story about reconciliation(sure it is this really cool chapter cuz it's the part where we are important) It is about Him. He is Holy and He is Worthy. The end.
In 2008 i began to sit in a place of expectation that God would give me revelation on the book of Revelation. It needed to be settled for me. And while people are comfortable with saying it is not a major point in the world of theology, for me, it is. This book is the truth of things to come. It is not a wild story or an interesting metaphor. It is the absolute truth of our Savior's return. And when I read in Luke that the people had expectation of His first coming I realize that we have lost something. I am in expectation of His second coming. The Church has lost something of this. We have lost our expectation. But this is not my point, this is not what I am on about in this hour.
Six weeks ago I sat in a chair at IHOP KC and God spoke to me that He is both Holy and Worthy. He made clear that we can only understand this in the context of knowing His ways. And I was like, "what?" Because of course He is holy and worthy, but I was also like, "why am i not broken at this truth?" Sure we claim it, we say it. We agree to it even, but then what? And that right there is what has been eating at me since that day, in that chair. And then this weekend off we went in this direction. He is holy and worthy and everyone was all yes I am down for that but I was sitting there stunned for lots of reasons. But two mainly. Reason one is that God tells me this thing six weeks ago and He is also telling other people who are trying to wrestle with it. And we are wrestling because there is something huge in this truth, something that makes you scream, "I'll never be the same again."And while you are screaming it you know others are looking at you and wondering when you will get to the good part where they can see themselves in the story. But see that is the thing right there. We are not really in the story. And that doesn't sell as well as the story where you are so important that God sent His son for you. Cuz we are people and for us it is always about us.
And reason two you ask? Well reason two is the truth of it. Reason two is that the four living creatures cry holy and they do this because He "was and is and is to come" The elders cry worthy because He "created all things." The creatures and the elders know the truth of it. He is God. and that settles it. They are forever broken because He is God. It is not about us. It is not a story about reconciliation(sure it is this really cool chapter cuz it's the part where we are important) It is about Him. He is Holy and He is Worthy. The end.
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